Probably not. See, the Universe doesn’t have a direct line, and in order to transform yourself or your life the best way can often be a numbers game. Last week, I heard a story about a guy who has amazing success with women. He goes on more dates with amazing women than anyone else. How does he do it? He does it by getting rejected by more women than anyone else. See, he gave himself a goal to get the most rejections he could get in a week (he used an actual number), and by the end of the week, he’d achieved his “goal.” Of course, in the midst of that, he also went on some great dates!

You see, this game isn’t just about spamming the Universe, but it’s about using numbers to get past whatever fears you have around things like rejection, the future, failure, and more. It can even help you learn more about yourself in the process. I just read this great article about a woman who went on 100 dates with men. She wanted to find a partner, she was 34, so she posted an ad, and amidst the guys in Hawaiian shirts offering her trips to Vegas, she found 100 potential dates. Very quickly after an intense two weeks and 21 dates, she broke down into tears, and felt all the loneliness and rejection and fear that she’d felt in all her years of relationships. She realized that she’d been selling herself short for a long time, saying yes when she wasn’t interested, even getting into relationships that didn’t inspire her. She realized where she’d been cheating herself, and she learned how to stop. She learned how to communicate honestly her feelings if she wasn’t interested, felt ok about rejections (she says that those guys were meant to be with someone else, so it’s good that he’s free to find her!), and got way more in touch with what really inspired her. In the end, she not only found a great guy, but she was sure that he was the one she wanted.

Another aspect of this is that your Universe doesn’t know when you change, you have to tell it. The woman in the article had friends to talk to, and the successful dating guy told his guy buddies because our friends, family, and communities are our Universe. A close friend recently called me and told me he was disappointed, and that he felt that I saw him as straight-laced, and a little uptight. He was right, and when he told me, I actually noticed that in the past year… he really hadn’t lived up to my expectations of a real uptightster. The truth is, he’s a very relaxed and confident guy, more so than he’s ever been, and I had just put him in a box without bothering to re-review the label based on experience. So when he told me that he felt good, confident, and relaxed and wanted me to support him, I was able to change my own perspective. As part of his Universe, I had the power to keep him the same, or help him transform, and by telling me, he catalyzed that shift.

So, I’m playing a numbers game too. I’m shooting for 50 rejections from agents for my work. That means I have to email way more than 50, and I have to deal with a lot of rejection. I’ve emailed about 30, and I’m about 5 rejections towards my goal right now. I’ve also gotten two great agents who are interested in working with me. But beyond the numbers, I’m learning more about how to approach and interact in the world of artists’ agents effectively and professionally. I’m learning how I’ve felt needy or urgent, and how to move past those feelings. I’m learning how to love my own work and learning process in the moment, without worrying as much about future success. I’m learning that the more I talk about it, the more likely the Universe will hear me. Heck, I’m even telling you.

Where are you playing small or selling yourself short in your life? What game can you play to break through the fear that holds you back?

Hello GrowthPop readers!  Happy New Year to you!  I’m a new contributor here at GP and I’d like to introduce myself to you, and let you know what I’ll be writing about.  I’ll be writing under the name Lampyra, and sharing some of my recent personal growth experiences with you.

I’ve been dabbling in various ways of exploring my heart and mind over the past couple years, and slowly but steadily I feel that I’ve made significant strides.  Sometimes through huge leaps, sometimes through long treks, sometimes by sheer luck.  Sometimes by myself, sometimes with the guidance of others.  I will be sharing some of these forays into my head, and my thoughts about such experiences, with the readers of GrowthPop.  I hope to be an accessible reference for any layperson wanting to bring some personal growth and exploration into their own life.

The name Lampyra?  It is a scientific name for lightning bugs. One of the things I have learned to remind myself about is the power of one’s inner glow.  If you are happy about something, there’s that hint of a smile on your face, that twinkle in your eye, that glow of someone who is content with life.  Like any light source, it radiates warmth.  That glow attracts every human that passes by you.

Happiness is contagious – people want to be around happy people because it makes them feel good too.  Even if I don’t feel especially happy about anything, I find something to make me grin anyway because then I will kindle some of that glow.  I know I become a much more attractive, but more importantly, much more approachable person, when I do.  We all do.  So, like the lightning bug, remember to glow brightly as you fly about your life!

What it is: A really easy introduction to how to more effectively communicate and experience your life.

Description: this easy to read and easy to approach book offers the reader some no nonesense coaching on the meaning of your words and actions, and how to live more powerfully in agreement with them.

What I Got out of it: The book showed me that we are all unique, and yet there are some basic agreements we all share. I may eat, play, and view the world in my own way, but I share some fundamental understanding of things with everyone. Things like what integrity is and what it means to give my word, these are things that are universally understood.

Reading this book affirmed my choices in ways that centered and grounded me.

Learn more about The 4 Agreements

Description: This book helps the reader learn how to create structures for conscious relating. These ideas assist in dealing with breakdowns by helping people understanding how to honor each individual as well as the relationship as a whole.

Anecdote: Before being introduced to the ideas in this book, I somehow didn’t realize that we each have our own way of “expecting” other’s to be in the world. I’ve found so much freedom through the implementation of these ideas in my life — what a brilliant gift!

Potential Turn-Offs: Dense material.

What I Got out of it: Freedom, compassion, understanding and tools to assist me in relating more effectively with everyone in my life, from my family to friends to clients and even strangers.

Learn more about RelationDancing

Growth Potential: I find that tarot cards offer new ways to see what is happening in my and others’ lives. The images on the card are symbols that seem to inspire people to deep reflection about themselves. Because these particular ones are round, a good reader can interpret the nuances of the angle of the card in a way that sheds lights on surprising aspects of a person’s life.

Pop Potential: “I don’t believe it, but…” is a phrase I’m getting used to the more out-of-the-closet I become about being someone who digs the tarot. In fact, I brought the cards to a party the other day, and I was pleasantly surprised at how many people shyly asked if I’d pull them a card. Way cool! I got to have the most intimate conversations with strangers I’d ever had, and bizarrely, people trusted me. Maybe it’s because I tell them, “I don’t believe in it either, but it sure is fun, and at minimum you and I will have had a kick butt conversation all about you!” Surprise, surprise…people get really into that! (Or, it could just be the gorgeous sketches of naked, strong, sexy, vulnerable women that make them so appealing.)

“Get Real” Potential: At the beginning of the book, Karen Vogel (the co-designer and author) suggests that these card allow you to access wisdom directly from the goddess. I know other people think of tarot as a means of divination, during which the teller can actually read the future. I don’t buy that at all…and yet it freaks me out when I pull the EXACTLY RIGHT card (like the time my friend’s dog died, and she pulled the “death” card; or the time my other friend told her boyfriend she wanted to get engaged, and he freaked out, and she pulled the card that essentially said, “someone loves you but is not ready right now.”)

What I Got out of it: Aside from the obvious popularity that comes with being the tarot reader at parties, I find that the cards are a wonderful way to reflect on my day, or my week. I’ve started giving myself a full reading once a month, and although I rarely remember what the cards “said,” I highly value the ritual of reflecting regularly on my life, posing a question, and then listening deeply to my own answers. Mostly, though, I really appreciate the opportunity to get to know my friends more deeply by giving them a reading when they’re in a particularly tough place…the weird thing is, I can ask them hard questions they would NEVER be willing to hear/answer if we didn’t have the cards as a neutral mediator. As a tool for making and deepening friendships, these cards rock!

Get your own MotherPeace Tarot Cards

Buy the book from Amazon.com

At the risk of being slightly dramatic, the best way I can describe it is this: take the movie “The Matrix,” and imagine that you were in the matrix a few days before the events of the movie occur. Even if you ran into Neo and started telling him everything that was about to happen to him — about how the world is actually a computer simulation, that he’s actually asleep in some field somewhere, all of it — there’s no words you could speak such that he would actually understand on a deep level what’s about to happen to him. You just have to do it to get it.

Growth Potential: AMP is targeted to men seeking to improve their understanding of self, especially around women and relationship dynamics. Everyone’s experience is different, but I got an understanding of the behaviors, attitudes and emotions that I had when it came to relationships. The male and female coaches at AMP were excellent at helping me see the dormant, suppressed, and otherwise unexpressed emotions; moreover they were patient and understanding in coaching me to deep breakthroughs around my own hangups.

That all sounds very therapeutic and clinical, which is the most surprising part: of all the people I know, I was the last person on my list of people who need therapy. I didn’t think there was any benefit in talking about my hangups and desires to other people, in fact I was pretty convinced that I didn’t have any major issues to begin with.

Pop Potential: In my AMP, there were a lot of guys who teach traditional pick up courses, which offer a different approach to relationships — and in my opinion, less satisfying. Since taking the course, I’ve seen many, many men who are interested in learning to pick up women also end up taking AMP and finding a more grounded “inner game.” Basically, this course is for any man who wants to improve his relationship skills and dating life, i.e. 99% of men.

“Get Real” Potential: Not often, but sometimes Decker or other leaders of the course will talk about supernatural/energistic, woo-woo type stuff. Having a scientific background, my initial reaction is to cringe at the suggestion of any kind of magical, physical manifestations. C’mon guys, strong are you with the Force, but not that strong!

What I Got out of it: I discovered my innate ability to create badass relationships in my life, whether for a night, a week, months or longer.

Learn more about Authentic Man Program

Learn more about Momentum Education

“Get Real” Potential: (see video below)

What I Got out of it: Several months after seeing The Secret, I was in a bit of a slump. At some point I noticed how preoccupied I was with thoughts of what wasn’t working. I remembered the lessons of The Secret and for 1 week, I started each day thinking that things had already drastically changed, expressed gratitude for them being so great, and felt the emotion as if things had already changed. Circumstances did rapidly and drastically shift, and have basically stayed that way since. The Secret is an easy target, but I dig it for adding some sizzle to goal setting and positive thinking.

Learn more about The Secret

What it is: The full title of the book, “A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire” is a pretty damn good description. A ‘How To’ guide of sorts for men about the big 3 in life, told with an in-your-face honesty. Not for the weak of heart.

Growth Potential: A lot of people I know consider it the holy grail of personal growth for men. If a short bald guy with a goofy laugh can “open women to god,” imagine what it could do for you. This is the real deal.

Pop: What keeps this book from becoming a #1 bestseller? Its title. This book is often knee-jerk misunderstood to imply that “Men are Superior” as opposed to “Men can reach a superior version of themselves”

Get Real: Deida bottom-lines it: “If men and women are clinging to a politically correct sameness even in moments of intimacy, then sexual attraction disappears.”

What I Got: A new perspective on relating to women and a world of understanding about the polarities of masculine and feminine. I also got a really hot wife.

The Way of the Superior Man