Probably not. See, the Universe doesn’t have a direct line, and in order to transform yourself or your life the best way can often be a numbers game. Last week, I heard a story about a guy who has amazing success with women. He goes on more dates with amazing women than anyone else. How does he do it? He does it by getting rejected by more women than anyone else. See, he gave himself a goal to get the most rejections he could get in a week (he used an actual number), and by the end of the week, he’d achieved his “goal.” Of course, in the midst of that, he also went on some great dates!

You see, this game isn’t just about spamming the Universe, but it’s about using numbers to get past whatever fears you have around things like rejection, the future, failure, and more. It can even help you learn more about yourself in the process. I just read this great article about a woman who went on 100 dates with men. She wanted to find a partner, she was 34, so she posted an ad, and amidst the guys in Hawaiian shirts offering her trips to Vegas, she found 100 potential dates. Very quickly after an intense two weeks and 21 dates, she broke down into tears, and felt all the loneliness and rejection and fear that she’d felt in all her years of relationships. She realized that she’d been selling herself short for a long time, saying yes when she wasn’t interested, even getting into relationships that didn’t inspire her. She realized where she’d been cheating herself, and she learned how to stop. She learned how to communicate honestly her feelings if she wasn’t interested, felt ok about rejections (she says that those guys were meant to be with someone else, so it’s good that he’s free to find her!), and got way more in touch with what really inspired her. In the end, she not only found a great guy, but she was sure that he was the one she wanted.

Another aspect of this is that your Universe doesn’t know when you change, you have to tell it. The woman in the article had friends to talk to, and the successful dating guy told his guy buddies because our friends, family, and communities are our Universe. A close friend recently called me and told me he was disappointed, and that he felt that I saw him as straight-laced, and a little uptight. He was right, and when he told me, I actually noticed that in the past year… he really hadn’t lived up to my expectations of a real uptightster. The truth is, he’s a very relaxed and confident guy, more so than he’s ever been, and I had just put him in a box without bothering to re-review the label based on experience. So when he told me that he felt good, confident, and relaxed and wanted me to support him, I was able to change my own perspective. As part of his Universe, I had the power to keep him the same, or help him transform, and by telling me, he catalyzed that shift.

So, I’m playing a numbers game too. I’m shooting for 50 rejections from agents for my work. That means I have to email way more than 50, and I have to deal with a lot of rejection. I’ve emailed about 30, and I’m about 5 rejections towards my goal right now. I’ve also gotten two great agents who are interested in working with me. But beyond the numbers, I’m learning more about how to approach and interact in the world of artists’ agents effectively and professionally. I’m learning how I’ve felt needy or urgent, and how to move past those feelings. I’m learning how to love my own work and learning process in the moment, without worrying as much about future success. I’m learning that the more I talk about it, the more likely the Universe will hear me. Heck, I’m even telling you.

Where are you playing small or selling yourself short in your life? What game can you play to break through the fear that holds you back?

I was at a job I hated for nearly six years.  Six years of wanting something else!  Looking back, I regret how long it took me to leap away from it.  There are so many directions to choose from, we often get boggled and just go with the safest, easiest option.  If it falls into your lap, if it pays well, if it’s convenient… you might as well take advantage of it, right?  I warn you, no.  I always said I would wait to leave until I had something solid lined up next.  Actually, my mother, in the back of my mind, was telling me to wait, puncuated with ‘what ifs’ and ‘oh dears.’  Honestly?  The world is NOT that scary.  You’ll be ok.  Just go.

You must choose your own happiness.  Only you know what will make you completely happy, only you can figure out that puzzle.  But it is a tricky puzzle that takes effort.  Figure out what you really enjoy.  What makes you feel alive?  One of the wisest of men once said “Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”  Whatever decision you make, whichever path you take, do it with intention.  Choose it, and then live that choice.

How do you get a feeling of forward momentum in your life?  Well, first you have to figure out where you want to go!  You certainly won’t get it standing still.  That’s the hardest part, in some ways.  Once you have your heading, once you take that first step… the second and third steps, they just happen.

Finally, you have to really believe that you deserve to be as spine-tinglingly happy as you can possibly imagine being.  You do!  We all do.  There is no reason you should ever feel like you should be satisfied with “good enough.”

Hello GrowthPop readers!  Happy New Year to you!  I’m a new contributor here at GP and I’d like to introduce myself to you, and let you know what I’ll be writing about.  I’ll be writing under the name Lampyra, and sharing some of my recent personal growth experiences with you.

I’ve been dabbling in various ways of exploring my heart and mind over the past couple years, and slowly but steadily I feel that I’ve made significant strides.  Sometimes through huge leaps, sometimes through long treks, sometimes by sheer luck.  Sometimes by myself, sometimes with the guidance of others.  I will be sharing some of these forays into my head, and my thoughts about such experiences, with the readers of GrowthPop.  I hope to be an accessible reference for any layperson wanting to bring some personal growth and exploration into their own life.

The name Lampyra?  It is a scientific name for lightning bugs. One of the things I have learned to remind myself about is the power of one’s inner glow.  If you are happy about something, there’s that hint of a smile on your face, that twinkle in your eye, that glow of someone who is content with life.  Like any light source, it radiates warmth.  That glow attracts every human that passes by you.

Happiness is contagious – people want to be around happy people because it makes them feel good too.  Even if I don’t feel especially happy about anything, I find something to make me grin anyway because then I will kindle some of that glow.  I know I become a much more attractive, but more importantly, much more approachable person, when I do.  We all do.  So, like the lightning bug, remember to glow brightly as you fly about your life!

From TechRepublic

If you’re like much of today’s workforce, you need to have halfway decent writing skills to succeed at your job. But if you don’t have time to work on those skills, mastering a few basic rules can still make a big difference.

Maybe you’ve never penned a single blog entry, never been asked to write a progress report, never had to read over a colleague’s work for errors, and never had to send a critically important e-mail message to your boss. If that’s the case, you’re free to go now. But for most of us, a certain amount of writing is part of our job — and unfortunately, our efforts aren’t always as effective as they should be.

We’ve talked before about some of the big blunders — grammatical mistakes and misused words — that find their way into our written communications. Now, let’s consider some of the general best practices that contribute to clean, consistent writing. These pointers are based on TechRepublic’s in-house conventions, which are based on commonly recommended guidelines. (In other words, you don’t have to agree with them. And of course, variations may exist depending on what country you live in.)

The good thing about following a few rules in your writing, even if some of them seem arbitrary or trivial, is that it frees you up to concentrate on what you’re trying to say instead of trying to figure out why something doesn’t sound right or worrying that it’s just plain wrong.

And there’s this: People will notice when your writing is tighter and more consistent. I guarantee it.

#1: Echoes

Bad practice: Repeated words or phrases set up an echo in the reader’s head or a “Didn’t I just read that?” glitch that can be distracting.

Example:

• Several “but”s or “however”s or “for example”s in one paragraph (or in nearly every paragraph); a series of paragraphs that begin with “Next”
• A favorite crutch word or phrase used throughout an article (”ensure that,” “as such”, “that said”)

Best practice: Vary the language to avoid annoying or distracting readers with repeated words. Even better, get rid of some of the repeated verbiage, which usually turns out to be overkill anyway.

#2: Nonparallel list items

Bad practice: We often use an inconsistent structure for lists or headings.

Example:

We will cover these topics:

• Backing up the registry
• The Registry Editor is your friend
• Using REG files
• Use a GUI tool
• Searching the registry
• Take advantage of Favorites
• Clean the registry

Best practice: Reword where necessary to make the items parallel.

#3: Agreement problems

Bad practice: Sometimes we lose track of what the subject is, and our verb doesn’t match.

Examples:

• Neither of the editors are very smart.
• The dog, as well as the goat and chicken, are easy to parallel park.
• One-third of the company are color blind.

Best practice: Scrutinize the subject to determine whether it’s singular or plural. It’s not always obvious.

#4: Referring to companies, organizations, etc., as “they”

Bad practice: A company — or any collective group that’s being referred to as a single entity — is often treated as plural, but it shouldn’t be.

Examples:

• I wish Wal-Mart would get their pot hole fixed.
• Microsoft said they’ll look at the problem.

Best practice: Unless there’s some compelling exception, use “it.”

#5: Hyphenating “ly” adverbs

Bad practice: “ly” adverbs never take a hyphen, but they pop up a lot.

Examples:

• We like to avoid commonly-used expressions.
• Click here for a list or recently-added downloads.

Best practice: Don’t hyphenate ly adverbs. The “ly” says “I modify the word that comes next,” so there’s no need to tie them together with a hyphen.

#6: Using “which” instead of “that”

Bad practice: We sometimes use “which” to set off an essential clause (instead of “that”).

Examples:

• The meeting which was scheduled for 1:00 has been cancelled.
• The option which controls this feature is disabled.

Best practice: The commonly-accepted (haha) convention in American English is to set off a nonessential clause with the word “which” and a comma. One good test is whether the information is extra — not essential to the meaning of the sentence. If the clause is essential, use “that.”

#7: Wordy constructions; deadwood phrases

Nothing is worse for a reader than having to slog through a sea of unnecessary verbiage. Here are a few culprits to watch for in your own writing.

#8: Using “that” instead of “who”

Bad practice: Some writers use “that” to refer to people.

Examples:

• The bartender that took my money disappeared.
• The end user that called this morning said he found my money.
• The folks that attended the training said it was a waste of time.

Best practice: When you’re referring to people, use “who.”

#9: Inconsistent use of the final serial comma

Bad practice: One convention says to use a comma to set off the final item in a series of three or more items; another (equally popular) convention says to leave it out. But some writers bounce between the two rules.

Examples:

• Word, Excel, and Outlook are all installed. (OR: Word, Excel and Outlook are all installed.)
• Open the dialog box, click on the Options tab, and select the Enable option. (OR: Open the dialog box, click on the Options tab and select the Enable option.)

Best practice: Decide on one convention and stick to it. Those who read what you’ve written will have an easier time following your sentence structure if you’re consistent.

#10: Using a comma to join two dependent clauses

Bad practice: Commas are a great source of controversy and often the victim of misguided personal discretion. But there is this rule: Two dependent clauses don’t need one.

Examples:

• I hid the ice cream, and then told my sister where to find it.
• The user said he saved the file, but somehow deleted it.

Best practice: If the second clause can’t walk away and be its own sentence, don’t set it off with a comma.

In his own words, “43 Folders is Merlin Mann’s website about finding the time and attention to do your best creative work.” He is now re-dedicating his site to people who want to actually do stuff. GTD is great, he claims, but he’s tired of pampering the converts who don’t have a clue how to GTD once they’ve inbox zeroed, and reduced background noise.

It’s a really risky post, but boy did it inspire me. Check out Merlin’s post on 43 Folders here.

It felt just like an experience I had when I needed a creative boost. I’m an illustrator, and a year or two ago I was feeling stuck so I read the first few chapters of “The Artist’s Way” and started the practice of Morning Pages. Each day, I’d wake up and write three pages of whatever came out. This was meant to get my juices flowing, and to spark my creativity. I’d scribble streams of consciousness, sense or nonsense, I’d write…. for an hour, or two, and then work at my job which was more meetings and less drawing. After about a week I felt like the baker who spends all his time making sure his shop looks nice, and who forgot to actually do any baking. So I swapped the pages for morning art and started doing a painting each morning (my inspiration was my commute). Soon after I actually left that job and now paint and draw full time.

So, we at GrowthPop applaud Merlin’s clarity of vision, and courage to get it done even against the inertial energy of his very popular site.

What it is: A really easy introduction to how to more effectively communicate and experience your life.

Description: this easy to read and easy to approach book offers the reader some no nonesense coaching on the meaning of your words and actions, and how to live more powerfully in agreement with them.

What I Got out of it: The book showed me that we are all unique, and yet there are some basic agreements we all share. I may eat, play, and view the world in my own way, but I share some fundamental understanding of things with everyone. Things like what integrity is and what it means to give my word, these are things that are universally understood.

Reading this book affirmed my choices in ways that centered and grounded me.

Learn more about The 4 Agreements

(more videos after the jump)

To learn more about Derren, check out his website. He’s also a painter. The prices are steep, and based on these videos I wouldn’t try to negotiate him down…

A Summary:

Method 1: Symbolize the next action

Using notepaper or a simple text file on your laptop or tablet, indent the pages of your notes in from the left margin. Then, use a simple system of symbols to mark off 4 different information types in the column space left in the margin.

* [ ] A square checkbox denotes a to do item
* ( ) A circle indicates a task to be assigned to someone else
* * An asterisk is an important fact
* ? A question mark goes next to items to research or ask about

After the meeting, a quick vertical scan of the margin area makes it easy to add tasks to your to do list and calendar, send out requests to others, and further research questions. (This method is the brainchild of Michael Hyatt, someone who clearly has mastered the art of attending meetings.)

Method 2: Split your page into quadrants

Another way to visually separate information types is to split your note-taking page into quadrants and record different kinds of information – like questions, reference and todo’s – into the separate areas on the page. Rumor has it this is how Bill Gates – someone known for taking amazingly detailed meeting notes – gets it done.

Method 3: Record and summarize – Use The Cornell Note-taking Method to divide your notes into independent sections to make information retrieval easy.

From Covey:

If you remember nothing else from this blog remember this: leadership has nothing to do with formal authority, it has everything to do with influence.

Read Stephen Covey’s full article here.

If NLP usually turns you off, or you find it gimmicky, manipulative, or overblown, then I would recommend this course as a breath of fresh air for beginners and those with more experience as well.

Description: NLP Marin teaches a set of skills and perceptual frames that combine some core skills and techniques of NLP with a variety of other modalities, such as neo-Rechiean childhood development, Bert Hellinger’s family constellations, and other interesting and useful ideas they have integrated into their work.

I find their particular flavor of NLP is incredibly effective, respectful, and honoring of all aspects of a human being. It is very much in contrast to the feel I get from some other forms of NLP, which occur to me as gimmicky, manipulative, or overblown.

The main trainer/instructor is Carl Buchheit, who I really enjoy learning from. He’s been doing NLP since the late 70s, and is incredibly good at what he does. He’s incredibly sharp, knowledgeable, and has a really quirky sense of humor. I respect him a lot, and I’ve enjoyed every weekend I’ve gone to.

Anecdote: As a result of this training, I quit my job as a software engineer, and chose to start a career as a coach. The model and set of tools here integrated a lot of the other work I had learned elsewhere, and had me realize “Wow, I’m actually damn good at working with people, and have something very real to offer them.” It gave me the confidence to go after what I want, even though it’s a bit scary to do so.

Potential Turn-Offs: If you’re experienced as a coach/therapist, or done a lot of personal work with people, the first course may seem a little basic, and you may get impatient.

You also practice what you learn on other classmates. Sometimes that can be a great experience, and sometimes a difficult one, depending on the skill and competence of the classmate in question.

What I Got out of it: I have trained with them quite a bit, and am nearly complete with my Master’s Certification. (Which requires a total of 16 weekends of training.)

My experience of learning there has been an interesting combination of learning skills, and doing personal growth/development work. A lot of what I have learned has subtly (or dramatically) shifted my experience of people, the world, and especially myself. It’s not as dramatic and concentrated as an Arete circle, but has consistently worked to shift and revise a lot inside of me.

At this point, I feel *way* more acceptance and liking of myself, as well as having a really strong set of techniques I can use to work with people, and make a difference in their lives.

Learn more about NLP Marin